>>1128916
I keep forgetting about the hand and remembering only band practice and donuts and stale cereal

There are house rules?

Anyway

inspect those photos on the mirror

>>1128916
Careful
Dont wanna give yourself raccoon eyes.

Answer tha door.
Orrrr
Climb outta the window and oeak at who it is first.

>>1128916
Careful
Dont wanna give yourself raccoon eyes.

Answer tha door.
Orrrr
Climb outta the window and oeak at who it is first.

>>1128805

Disco very trustworthy

Silence 2026/07/03(Fri)13:57 No. 1128907 ID: 6d1406
File 178308704436.png - (59.60KB , 515x304 , Mech484.png )

>>1128806
This is more than true, 3 billion credits. You look to Hannibal who gives a shrug and says. "There's at least a chance."

>>1128810
"...I deserve this. Just don't fucking enslave my unborn children."

Disco looks offput. "I don't think you're that bad off. It'll be some work but we can come to a mutual resolution. We saw how you piloted that unit, for somebody who has very few augments such as yourself, it was impressive."

"I have debts with the ITA," you point out.

"We'll clear those, especially with that little fiasco that their "rogue" element caused," Disco says.

>>1128827
>>1128832
You point out you haven't even heard the deal yet.

Message too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>1128907
1, you want a clause in your contract that says if a mission is exceptionally lucrative it reduces the length of your service. Proportional to the remaining debt, of course.
2, are they gonna put a bomb in your head or something to make sure you comply?
3, is this a secret deal?

...can't think of a 4th one offhand.

>>1128907

What if you die before paying off your debt?

Silence 2026/07/06(Mon)14:54 No. 1129036 ID: 6d1406
File 178334968334.png - (26.20KB , 238x319 , Mech485.png )

>>1128964
You have 3.

1st you ask for a clause that says if a mission is exceptional it reduces the service proportional to your remaining debt.

"We can do that," Disco replies. "That's a fair enough deal."

2nd you ask if this involves a cranial bomb or something to make you comply.

"Nothing so crude," he says. "We have our methods, and truthfully it's just more complication because if you discover the bomb you're gonna want to turn it off and turn on us. That would go against our vested interests."

3rd you ask if the deal is secret.

"It's not," is the answer. "I have a noterized KW lawyer just outside just waiting for the signature."

"And me," Hannibal replies. "What is my end state in this deal?"

"You'll be given a lot of opportunities for management over the next few years, play your cards right and you may become notable," Disco says. "Hopefully by the end, you two will be part of the KW family."

"I don't think we have much choice, do we Juniper?"

If you leave yourself, then you'll end up exposed and Dotti will eat the rabbit.

If you shove Dotti out, then she'll whine and complain about not getting to eat the rabbit, and you'll be stuck in here with this bottomless stranger and no clear exit plan.

Thus, the best option for everyone is to shove the bottomless rabbit out, leaving you and Dotti in the room so that you can remind Dotti to focus on not dropping the illusion.

The rabbit will probably have complaints about being pushed out without pants, but her face is hidden, so it's not like anyone will recognize her. If only you could be so anonymous...

Just stay in there and wrangle Dotti until she gets the illusions back under control.

Pick the rabbit up and protect her from Dotti’s nibbles. She wont see your clothes from up close and she’ll shield them from others’ views.

>>1129026
Aw shit.
This is like the fox, chicken grain and boat puzzle.
But its fox rabbit, clothes and nudity.
...
..
Ok, its not really like that but you can still think logically.
Put rabbit out.
Or dotti out.

The important part is the door between them.
Then tell dotti to focus.
Get the illusions back.

Push dotti out. Dotti can be responsible for the laundry

1, Oh yes, definitely. That money is so good!

1 good for business

1 yes but itll cost you twice next time. today was a promotional special

Yessssssss more nighty special!

>>1129008
Mmmnh.
Its such a good promotion.
And! Its only important the nightie is on when the delivery is made.
Some easily sheddable outer clothes and you could pull that off with minimal risk.

Also, cute cute nighty.
Very daring.

>>1128995
I can, that's the skeleton's 'sight'. It's also their hearing technically. The Soul inhabiting this thing has to project that outwards to have those senses.

>>1128968

Are you sure that's an Iruxi? Could be a kobold. How many bipedal lizardlike species are there of that rough shape or size?

>>1128999
That thing is taller than Tanna.

>>1129000

So? And how many bipedal lizardlike species of roughly that bone structure ARE there, especially when considering possible individual outliers in size?

>>1128959
That feller is spooky and scary.
Hey.
I recognise him
Is he the guy who loaned you the harmonica?
Slinky.
He wants it back.

Ok, ok.
Putting my whimsy away.
Its possible theyre one of the original denizens remains.
Definitely a heavy set creature in life by the wide feet, long balancing tail and spread of the foot talons when it jumps.
Its caught in a loop of trying something that isnt working.
Suggests a command given and it having minimal autonomy.

All the same, we have info for the team
Get to the foot of the rope and we'll carry a message to come down quietly as theres one hostile skelamajig.

There is a drastic departure between the first and the second chapter. I am not saying it is bad, just different. The enemies become more freakier, the battles are more complex and longer. The whole tempo was a breakneck speed, for the story and updates schedule. For some parts of the story I didn't even get the chance to post a suggestion.

An exciting challenge. Looking forward to the next part.

I like the addition of more freaks with more diverse power sets, and the longer fights requiring a bit more strategy to deal with. Glad to see you've decided to continue it despite starting as a one-shot.

Absurdity DeVoid 2026/07/05(Sun)21:04 No. 1128993 ID: 8d1947
File 178328549796.jpg - (201.85KB , 716x985 , sca 1130.jpg )

I am glad that you are showing enthusiasm about the new approach. The first chapter was more of an Assassin's Creed type of story, the first half of the second chapter was more like a Mortal Kombat kind of story, and the second half will be more like a Hitman story. The second chapter was made to address all the problems from the previous chapter, to make it less repetitive and have more diverse opponents. The speed of the quest is something that I designed on purpose. When I make these chapters, they are supposed to be one month long, and I start creating the moment when I get two suggestions, and I sometimes create multiple updates in one day. For the second chapter, I was a little bit overambitious, which is why I split it into two months. The second half will be more experimental in how to approach the problem, it will be less about needing to fight everyone and more about how much you can get away with.

I have a couple of questions about the story so far, and I would like to hear your answers to them.

* First question, as you noticed in the first chapter, the protagonist was the only one who used porn weapons, while in the second chapter, the protagonist and her opponents use them as well. What aprouch to you like more, only protagonists to use them or that everyone uses them.

* Second question: How do you feel about the defeated enforcers appearing in the other half of the second chapter? You won't need to fight them the second time, they will appear only as defeated foes suffering more humiliations. Or would you prefer to move away from their presence and leave them as one-and-done foes?

* Third question: out of the main 6 fights, which ones did you like the most? Place them all on the scale from 1 to 6, and all of them should take up one slot. 1, meaning it was the least fun, while 6 being the most liked one. Here are their names
-Lady Buttania
-Pound Cake
-Rope Bunny
-Bur

Message too long. Click here to view the full text.

Everyone use them
New faces
Lady, whip, wax, burrow, pound ,rope
Liked lady whip and wax, didn't dislike any particularly
Not too far
No suggestions

>>1129006
Tell him you need it. Sorry.

Well, the shield is unfortunately off the table. We need it, and we're probably going to leave it where we plan to on going with it, in a place where nobody, mortal or fey, will ever to able to claim it again.

I dunno, we probably won't need it critically after a year.

Wanted for some specific need, or just for the fame?

All these fey and angels need to seriously reprioritize, you literally need that thing to not die in space, and most of them seem to just want to play a clout game.

It'll be back in play when you're done, you three are MORTALS (mostly), wait your damn turns.

>>1127783
Go with Maya Din.

Absurdity DeVoid 2026/07/05(Sun)15:07 No. 1128980 ID: 8d1947
File 178326407452.jpg - (3.91MB , 2887x3828 , side quest 111.jpg )

Possible answers to the question that was asked:

A) Follow Bobbie inside the room.

B) Stay with Abdle outside.

B) we trust you

B

Abdle, did you forget? Bobbie has the spy rat with her. You can still see what happens through the little creature, and this time at a safe distance, and maybe we can communicate through the rat if needed.

Bobbie, this is a good position for you and abdle to train your mental fortitude when you are separated. I feel there will be a moment or three in the future where you both will be separated and not just this moment. You two will need to persevere on your own when it comes to those moments. If we are going to prepare for those moments, and what better time than now? We can't bank on you two being together at all times. Bobbie is after all in disguise still.

From what I remember that Stainhearth who we are. As for the question, I don't think it is a smart idea to let Bobbie in there alone. The whole way how the guard reached to our answer is giving me red flags. Something is wrong about this meeting.

I don't know if I can unpack all that but, you're alright Maya.

and this guy seems alright too

But for the love of gods get the glass picked out of your hand!

>>1128485
...You got through it. I'm glad that you're feeling better, Maya. And you said you were getting better at handling it; that's a good sign! Not for our sake, I'll never blame you for your problems, but if it's getting easier to deal with, that means you'll get a handle on it sooner or later. And we'll always be here to help if you need us.

While the cute bunny is treating your injuries, would you like to... talk about things? Anything you want to get off your chest? Something we can do to help you feel better? Whatever it is, don't be afraid to ask.

It's going to be okay, Maya. Take things one step at a time. It's okay if you ask for boundaries from Swiss or anyone if you need them!! He seems to genuinely want to help you, but if you get scared or worried about stuff it's okay to say you're scared, too. I think he'll understand that at least.

Probably let him know about your hand first also... That one might be the most important wound to attend to at the moment.

Maybe you could ask him to walk through what he's doing, like the first aid stuff, might ease your mind if you ask him to explain it while he's doing it, instead of assuming the worst and running with it until you have a panic attack.

Tehehe, you should kiss himmmmm

I mean he's being so nice and kind, and it's a good way to show thanks to a nice boy! Im sure he'd appreciate his efforts being appreciated even if your words don't work so good right now, it's a good compromise especially after breaking his bathroom mirror <3

YOU SHOULD KISS HIM

It's a good way to start this new friendship! First impressions matter the most y'know and he's still being so nice even after you tried to stab him! Im sure you can still make it even better with a big kiss! He's so cute too tehehe! He's so dumb he'll basically do whatever you want at this point without even questioning it tehehe!!

KISS HIM KISS HIM KISS HIM KISS HIM KISS HIM KISS HIM KISS HIM KISS HIM KISS HIM KISS HIM KISS HIM KISS HIM KISS HIM KISS HIM KISS HIM

Tio 2026/07/05(Sun)04:18 No. 1128970 ID: 1de1ba
File 178322511712.png - (3.40MB , 2445x1263 , 11-2.png )

Smell Brandubh near the entrance, seems he waited.
"There's the young courtier! Tell me, Edrachin - has she yet fallen to her knees, aghast, struck dumb by your roguish charms?"
"I- I was there to thank her!"
"Ah, 'course - that's what you smell like. Gratuity."
"Wait what?" Sniff at myself.
He keels over chittering.
"Oh, piss off!"
"Wrong liqui-"
"Whisht it, you bockety cod!"
"Yeah I'm cod, aaaaall the lasses wanna swallow some a' me!"
"Don't men eat cod too?"
Nearly falls laughing.

"Anyways, git, can we head to the docks?"
"Pfhaha - sure, sure, though it's the right opposite direction. Gonna take a bit."
Leave the shrineforest, start walking along the river.

"Why the docks?"
"The druid, she seemed a bit startled. Kept mentioning a 'gilded ship', something about it being bad luck."
"Well, wouldn't worry too much, she smells easy to spook. Probably just the ship granda and all the others caught, been the talk since they came in."
"What?"
"How d- oh, right, Fog had you under right after that, didn't it? He can tell it himself, if he's awake."

Through the town, smells start getting a bit overwhelming, so many people, feelings, things.

Tio 2026/07/05(Sun)04:19 No. 1128971 ID: 1de1ba
File 178322514744.png - (5.57MB , 2360x1640 , 11-3.png )

Scents change passing from the town center into the iascull orchards. Wet, heavy, lush, organic.
We walk along the dikes, large, sturdy trees holding together the banks on the rushing river. Past each side grow dense rows of still firm, yet rather sagging-branched trees wrapped in waxy vines, surrounded by ferns, themselves encircled in canals packed with cattails and algae, bridged by narrow wooden rails, fish darting between reeds and insects buzzing about. Surely farmers go about its maintenance, but through such dense foliage they are barely seen.

In the distance, faint rumbling. Slowly approach the sound, crashing water, suddenly -

Tio 2026/07/05(Sun)04:19 No. 1128972 ID: 1de1ba
File 178322516025.png - (18.85KB , 1455x664 , 11-4.png )

...
It is... vast. Blue. Beautiful. The breeze, the scent:

Home.

"Beauty, isn't it? Never get tired of this."

...


"...how do we get down?"
"The stairs." _Smirk._ "Pulleys're off, broke yesterday."

Out of my fascination, I see some others bustling about a building on the cliff's edge. Repairing, complaining.

"Oh that reminds me, I have to repair the roof for mom good luck with that Tio bye say hi to granda for me!"
"Wh- AGAIN?" And he's off.

Closer look at the edge.
Long way down.
Seaside cliffs to the left and right, a small few skerries and islets scattered along.
Ships docked at the wharf below, at its end a strange one of black material, segments shining deep brown and yellow.

...seems I'll have a while to think. Anything before/while/instead of heading down? Try to recall something?

>>1128969
The problem isn't that she's above your challenge rating, it's that she's a racist nutjob. Ah, well.

>>1128972
You might want to consider building some guard-rails. Nothing fancy, just stick some rusted weapons in the ground and tie a few ropes across each pommel.

Recall if the stairs are safe, or if it's better to wait for the pullies to be repaired.

Go left. Looks like a symbol for comms.

Go center

hmmm left

Right. I think it leads to the armory, and if they freak out, you want to keep the away from guns. (For their own safety, of course!)

Go left.

I’d like to choose C! Taking the splinter to the mender is probably the better decision. If A gains a lot of favor though, trying to plug the hole shut seems like the option a panicked child would do.

I think you would be impressed you actually found it. B) to look at the ink.

C) This must have been what the mender was looking for!

C
OH NO! THE WORLD IS BLEEDING TO DEATH! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!

B. You were curious and touched the strange new substance. Perhaps a bit too curious and splashed it around a bit.

>>1128824
>I would like to close the doors and avoid more boarders joining the current mess.
>rolled 6, 6, 16
Two more rounds for boarders to swim through, then Cricket can get that hatch sealed on the third - IF you're willing to spend 2xp to lock in training on "Nightcraft Hangar Bay Ops & Maintenance" (or something roughly equivalent).

rolled 16, 17, 8, 11, 19, 20, 4, 3, 7, 1, 4, 17, 9, 9, 12, 9, 19, 18, 11, 12 = 226

---

>>1128410
>Paprika, that was almost us when we landed in the castle!
"You mean after we got tossed up into the sky together? The innkeeper said it was kind of a long shot that we survived..."

>And, hehe, I agreed to be paid in statues back in the City of Needles!
"Ok, you lost me. What's that have to do with anything?"

>...I could just disappear in here.
>Would you dance with me under this sea of pseudo-stars?
Despite being caught more than a little off-guard by the request and everything else that's happening, Paprika manages to come back with a dreamy "Oh Nat...I thought you'd never ask." Dancing in such an awkward space with an invisible partner presents an interesting challenge, but Paprika is a consummate professional. She carefully lifts and guides Nat around any obstacles and ends with a mostly-graceful tumble that leaves the two lying on the floor together. "So uh...have you always been able to go invisible like that?"

>>1128645
>Oh dear.
>>1128649

Message too long. Click here to view the full text.

rolled 14, 17, 1, 19, 20, 4, 8, 1, 2, 17, 17, 7, 2, 8, 4, 20, 2, 4, 8, 10 = 185

---

Reiko groans off-comms. "Whyyy..."

So: Either the 'immigrants' can't hear her or they don't speak Trade, their challenge rating is higher than anything the team can take, Branu might get angry if Reiko throws them out into space, or might get angrier if she doesn't...
Cricket has gone missing, while Natalina (who ironically hasn't gone missing because she's invisible) and Paprika are too busy doing the hanky panky and turning their psychological issues around.

And now all her favorite snacks are soggy.
Wonderful.

Reiko (still linked) directs the ship AI to 'jiggle' the iced-up doors with a combination of pseudo-physics designed to crush multi-form polymorphic crystalline structures, especially since the surrounding 'liquid water' is highly oxygenated somehow. If she can get control back to the doors, maybe she could try out a Binary code by having the door open-and-shut at specific intervals to communicate at a distance. Or just lock the doors, blast off, and call this expedition a bust.

>>1128856
Definitely accepting this proposal, hopefully with reikos help they can get the doors closed off.

rolled 14, 3, 5, 9, 5, 20, 8, 2, 1, 8, 10, 20, 3, 1, 11, 7, 7, 7, 13, 19 = 173

---

>"Ok, you lost me. What's that have to do with anything?"
(Before calming down via dance) "I thought I was being clever, but I made a deal with something ancient that doesn't think like we do. What if frozen copies are easier, hehe, or faster than working stone? I'm sure she didn't ask to be killed a thousand-countless times over and over," Natalina waves a hand at the outside, "but that's what ha-ha-happened! "

>"So uh...have you always been able to go invisible like that?"
The arkus gives her girlfriend a funny look. "That was metaphor. I know numenera can make things ambiguous at times, but you're looking right at me."

>"Nat, I'm not gonna let you go out there all alone. Is it really that urgent?"
"I think we may have accidentally triggered a crusade. We're a lot more likely to change minds if we step in before the violence starts."

The arkus checks her cyphers. If the problem is her heading off [i]alone[i/]... She can't normally take anyone else with her when she shreds the walls of world, but the things she carries or wears make it across just fine. Maybe she could carry a shrunken Paprika with her? Or... perhaps if they attached the hiding alarm nodule to the sensor tusk, Paprika could attack to force it insubstantial and they could both fall out? Although that might be a problem if the tusk is currently being used as a weight-bearing landing strut. Or Natalina could exit through the wall, and Paprika could go the long way, through the molten metal? (Though opening the door might damage the sensor tusk, and even if Paprika's heat-proof, shoving through all tha

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>>1128886
Animal videos! Building a birdhouse is interesting, but you might get too absorbed into it when you're just trying to pass time. The spooky ghost video looks like a clue to something we shouldn't worry about at the moment. Cute animals are always fun.

But also set a timer first if you've got one. That way you can be sure you won't be late.

the ghost video will either be AI slop which might be good for a laugh, a shitpost which could be good for a laugh, or maybe someone saw your robber. If the video isn't to long maybe give it a peek and we'll let you know if it's the same guy that we saw last night or not. Then maybe the bird house video if for no other reason then to give yourself something to think about throughout the day that won't give you stress.

Ghost videos feel like they will help the most with the current mystery.

I am not trying to force you to do anything that you are not comfortable doing. But on the other hand I believe that having someone to talk with other then us might be beneficial to you psychological well-being. You talk differently to your family and to your friends. I just want to see you happy and not worried all the time, you deserve better than what you are getting right now.

animal videos. You deserve to chill with cute aminals and not concern ourselves about the robber.

B 2026/07/02(Thu)21:10 No. 1128876 ID: 35d66b
File 178302663229.gif - (39.89KB , 640x480 , 25.gif )

It's dark in here, but there's a flickering light coming from one of the movie rooms.

B 2026/07/02(Thu)21:11 No. 1128877 ID: 35d66b
File 178302671980.gif - (74.24KB , 640x480 , 26.gif )

Entering in, you find the place deserted. The aisles of chairs are empty, and the screen shows nothing but-

B 2026/07/02(Thu)21:13 No. 1128879 ID: 35d66b
File 178302678666.gif - (47.67KB , 640x480 , 27.gif )

"Hellooooo!"
A male voice spills out from the projection booth.
"I have proof now! Betty is a FUCKING LIAR! Right here!"
How should you respond to that?

Let's see it then

Roll it!

>>1128785
Whatever's easier for you!

>>1128786
yeah no preference

more smaller updates so I don't forget what is happening between them!

>>1128785
Happy however it comes.

>>1128793
Reasonable. It lets us chatter at the crew while they work too, which might make writing dialogue during the updates easier.

Buckwheat 2026/06/28(Sun)16:37 No. 1128682 ID: ac2578
File 178266463579.png - (7.32KB , 800x600 , 100.png )

>maybe Pickford could explain why he told us to "stay safe" and not "the forest is infested with vermin. You need to leave."
Kaari: “Why didn’t you warn us it’d be a good idea to leave instead of just, stay safe."

Pickford: “Didn’t know things were this bad ‘round here. Bum rangers…

>Right now we need to stop the bleeding. Get that medkit.
>Her friends are no doubt watching the entrance. Going out doesn't seem like a good idea.
Kaari: “Ugh, moving her probably isn’t a good idea. She’s probably got others watching the entrance to the mine. Anything useful in the medkit hanging up there? Should try to wrap her up and get her stable.”

He rushes over and pulls a roll of gauze out from the kit.
Pickford: “Don’t make me regret showing ya some mercy now.”

She snarls out in pain, but allows him to dress up the wound.

>Tell him that Judith is already on her way with a wheelchair, but it seems we might need a second one...

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>>1128682
I don't think Rosary's moving around like that. You have the pickaxe and the axe, too. I guess if needed you could tie her up a bit.
Lana, though, is she coming around?

Leave something heavy on her legs, like that box of dynamite. It won't exacerbate her injuries since her legs are fine, and if she tries to move it, Kaari can stab her before she has time to get loose.

>Pickford: “Course, that leaves you alone with her… Shoot.”
We can probably use a minecart to wheel her out of here with him. Is there one nearby? Meanwhile you'll stay with Lana and wait for the wheelchair, you'd rather not have to sit with that scary bear after what she put you through.

This will give us time to get that jinx of a fox out of the crates without the donkey knowing.

>>1128735
Mine cart. Maybe a wheel barrow.

>>1128705
Oh, cool!
Theres already bags and bags of white paint to use!
Little and big bags!

>>1128717
This is true, but it's also a literal translation of the message.

One has tto take into account the phallus-themed insults that actually Romans used, which are...

Ummm.....

You know what? Let's just use the phrase you proposed and have the little troll repeat it so many times, it gives the shrine a new coat of paint.
He'll pay for the extra spray cans, of course.

>>1128717

> It's nonsense to tell a roman to relocate to penus

Maybe he's inviting Romans to the shrine

Tell the goblin that it's so nice that he's offering to paint the shrine in scripture - and so insufferable that he misspells his Latin. Which is why you're going to force him to do it another 100 times, in different sizes, and be sure to paint across every inch of the wall.

>>1128707
Wait, I just realized something. The Butt Priestess didn't exactly specify what she hates about the Dick Shrine or what she wants us to fix about it. We just kind of assumed she wants the graffiti cleaned off, but maybe she hates the shrine itself and wants it covered or something. Might want to clear that up before we commit to a plan.

They are wearing your same clothes?

Um..ask Simone and Uberto if they know whether the identity theft victims are people who entered the well. It might be the clones come into existence when someone arrives in this world.

It definitely feels like going that way is a bad idea. Let's investigate from a safe distance and leave if it looks like we angered something.

(1/1) kpwlt 2026/06/30(Tue)15:34 No. 1128760 ID: 127310
File 178283364129.png - (19.50KB , 700x700 , u25p1.png )

>So something killed your clones? But were they protecting you, or targeting you?

Is it possible to say?

>Ok, from now on, we move as a group. Everyone stays in sight of eachother at all times. Also we can't trust anyone we meet down here, they could be clones.

Sam creeps back to the stragglers and seizes their wrists.

SAM: “Oh, okay, there have been some developments that mean we all need to stay together. We can’t let each other out of our sights, and we can only trust ourselves. Got it?”

Sam is met with murmured agreement.

>...I guess the Well made clones of you already, and they were killed. Or this is an aborted cloning attempt?

The Well made clones? So like the other Minister, there was an other Sam and an other Uberto?

Message too long. Click here to view the full text.

Slowly approach as a group. You're going to grab Mary and retreat to the lit camp.

Really? That's not the outfit I thought she'd be wearing after all these months.

Still, going to grab her would be a bad idea in the middle of that strange darkness.

Maybe the Jurist cloack can do it? If not, asking Simone and Uberto, and yes, even our spectral bird friend, if there is any way to retrieve without moving deeper in would help!

>>1128760
Huh, the thing was creating an illusion? Do the clone-bits look the same as before?
Let's go retrieve Mary.

>>1128349
Take a deep hiss
And just hiss a moment.
You need to hiss about this carefully
Theres got to hiss a rational hissplanation
That explains whats hissing on.
Exam ssssssstresssssss

Tell him where school is. It's in a government building.

Well, HRK is clearly overflowing with energy, so..

Let's make run a few laps around the park to tire him out.
Then, let's get him an ice-cream! That's always relaxing.

Finally, since he wants to do that exam he keeps talking about, let's give him a sheet of paper and a number 2 pencil and make him do the exam right here!

I think that should about cover it.

Make him experience a female orgasm?

The college exam center has been relocated to be taken at the nearest radio broadcast station.