7 EASY! Steps to Achieving Divine Godhood

7 EASY! Steps to Achieving Divine Godhood by Nobody
The First Leap Forward Probing the Possibilities Making Connections
Discussion

A quest about gods and poor purchases.

Plot

This article contains spoilers! You were warned.

Chapter One: The First Leap Forward

Vicki is a slacker living with her best friend/giant magical worm, Victor. She decides to do something with her life, and her plan is to become a great wizard and/or a god by selling everything she can get her hands on (including the lease) for a magical tome, which it turns out she can't read anyway. She and Victor get kicked out onto the street.

Victor tries to make the best of it and suggests they use the book and himself to start a new magic school. They split up, Victor heads off to find a place to repurpose into the school while Vicki goes to recruit new people. Victor finds an abandoned goblin mansion that turns out to not be so abandoned and is actually housing a small-time gang, which he is forced to slaughter. Vicki, meanwhile, is directed down into the dwarflands underneath the city to meet an eccentric firemage named Firebeard. After attempting to kill her a few times, he agrees to join the school as his home is soon to be repossessed anyway.

Chapter Two: Probing the Possibilities

When Victor was slaughtering the gang, he accidentally created an imperfect clone of himself. Trapped inside a green sphere, piloting a dead corpse, he's unable to speak or think clearly. After dumping the clone off on Vicki, Victor heads out to meet with his old boss and attempt to get some money out of her somehow.

Vicki cares for the clone and gets him situated, before tracking down Firebeard and asking him to teach her some beginner fire magic. Her spell goes haywire though, and sets fire to the entire room. When she tries to reverse it with a bit of ice magic, it freezes everything solid instead. Meanwhile, Victor is stopped from entering his workplace due to the building exploding and knocking him out. When he awakens, he's left in a small room out in the middle of the woods, along with his unpleasant boss and her bodyguard. After freeing himself and his co-workers, they set out into the forest, where they try to hitch a ride on a wandering ent city so they can get back home. However, Seshe, Victor's boss, ruins it by getting frustrated at the doorman and forcing them to flee from the city and camp in the forest for the night.

While Vicki is trapped in her frozen room, a mysterious blood mage comes to the door. She reveals that she is working for someone very powerful and invites herself in, so that she can free Vicki with a bit of disturbing magic that entails turning the wall into flesh and blood so that she can cut right through it. She tells Vicki that she will be helping to summon her powerful god boss over the next morning.